blog crack

threading 

There should be laws against non-hairy women doing any kind of waxing. Like when you walk into those little joints run by completely hairless Asian women to get a cheap waxing done and they have no idea what they're doing and then, on top of it all, you get the sneaking suspicion that they're talking about you in Korean/Vietnamese/Chinese and how hairy you. I think that in order to be certified to wax, you need to be hairy. You need to pull up a sleeve or a pant leg or grow your moustache out or something.

Yesterday I went to get my eyebrows threaded as I hadn't gotten them done since April and let's just say that it was time. When it comes to eyebrows, threading is hands down the best method as it is much more exact than waxing. However, threading seems to be a strictly Indian (and from what I've heard certain some south east Asian countries too) and Middle Eastern thing. So it can be...difficult to find someone to do it for you.

And, since there are only like three Indian people in all of San Francisco, there is only one freakin' place I've found that can do it. And, of course, she's a Patel (and she doesn't live in SF either). Usually I go to my fab threader in NY, but since I haven't been 'home' lately, I was desperate. The reason for my reluctance other than mere loyalty? The salon where this chick work charges TWENTY freakin dollars! I pay five bucks in NY. And that's after she increased the price from three dollars. It's akin to gasoline price gouging!

And then when I called to make my appointment, the receptionist informed me that yesterday (my bad day) was the only day I could do have it done because BOTH of the threaders were going away on maternity leave. How could they be so selfish and just leave all those hairy woman hanging like that? What, just because you have a baby, you can't thread? (sarcasm people, sarcasm. okay, and maybe a little bitching too.) So I make the appointment after much grumbling. And while I'm at it, I decide to get some waxing done as well.

Anyway, so the threader does her magic. And then I go over to the waxer, this very peppy white chick (read: not hairy). I tell her that I would like my face waxed. Now, you hairy girls know what I mean when I say that, but for all you men and non-hairy bitches, I'm referring to my sideburn and lower cheek area. Usually, I Jolen, but after getting waxed in April and loving not feeling like my face is burning off every month, I decided to keep it up.

However, my peppy little hairless waxer decided in the negative. She told me that I should get it threaded. What is she, crazy? You can't thread that much hair! When I told her that I've had it waxed before, she gave me a look like I was smoking crack or something. And then preceded to deny me again! I was dumbfounded. I wanted to say: "Bitch just take the damn stuff off and quit asking questions!" but that would have reflected poorly on my already tarnished mental state in her eyes. Even after I told her that I have really sensitive skin and that the only thing I can have threaded is my eyebrows, she still was like "I don't think waxing's a good idea..."

She said that I would have a line between that which I had waxed and that which I didn't. When I gave her look saying: "What freakin' line?" She handed me a mirror asking me where I would like the said waxing to take place. So I show her. And then she's all: What about this peach fuzz here?" and points to my cheekbones. To which I say: Why can't you just wax that off as well?" And then she says: "Well, we can't wax your whole face!" Eeeeeew. Let me just note here that we're talking about a little fuzz in one area.

I wanted to say to her: "Listen woman. It's hard enough that I'm a hairy Indian girl living in a world that likes to pretend body/facial hair doesn't exist, but now I have to sit here while you make me humiliate myself even further by having to explain myself all while having to get a procedure done that is already embarrassing as it is and then you deny me service because you don't get it and have probably never threaded or waxed any area of your body north of your bikini line in your life?" But what I really said was: "Okay."