blog crack

Because I'm cheap and lazy, I recently ordered two DVDs so that I can do yoga for free and without having to leave my house. I heard Bryan Kest's Power Yoga was pretty good, so I checked it out.

I'm not positive, but I'm pretty sure this was made sometime in the nineties. It says it was released in 2004, but I highly doubt it from they way everyone is dressed, by "everyone" I mean the scantily clad "participants" who are all dressed in cult-like white. One woman is wearing a leotard and another guy is wearing bike shorts while Mr. Kest himself is wearing cut-off jean shorts. I rest my case.

If you can get over the crap that comes out of this guy's mouth and his uncomfortably intense glares (it's like he's staring through the TV and right into your soul), the video is pretty damn good. I've been doing yoga on and off for years and am on the intermediate level, and the beginning level of this DVD kicked my ass. So, it's rigorous. No, "let's breath and meditate and get in touch with ourselves" notions here. I do Hatha yoga and, while on his web site Kest claims that his brand of yoga is based on Hatha, I would assert that it's based on Ashtanga principles and poses than anything else (read: yoga that may kill you or, at least, snap you in half).

Anyway, this guy totally cracks me. And he's not trying to be funny either. While trying to breathe and be steady and bending myself into all these poses, I kept on laughing (and then falling over). There's this pose where you stand facing ahead, and bend forward with your arms raises at your sides, a pose Kest refers to, with all sincerity, as "the jet plane". He's all, "Come on, that's it - do the jet plane!" What the hell kind of pose is called the "jet plane"? Are we in 3rd grade gym class? He also says things like "Don't stop, continue the dance! Keep moving!!" It should be noted that there are no dance moves on the DVD. He means the dance of life people, the dance of life!

And then there's the groping of the participants. He literally got behind this woman and grabbed her ass! For another pose, he latched onto the underside of one of the women's breasts! It's very distracting. And the male participants (who are all specimens of human perfection...drool, which is another point of distraction) are not spared either. I've been to many yoga classes and it's totally normal for an instructor to adjust you, but let's just say Kest took it to a whole new level.

Power Yoga: it's both a workout and adult entertainment all rolled into one!