blog crack

When not wanting to talk about yourself, talk about other people. This weekend involved lots Christmas gift making and the attending of holiday parties. Parties where I heard a host of bizarre stories which I will now share with you boys and girls.

Weird story #1: Sonya told me that when she was getting her hair cut at Glama-Rama, her stylist told her about this client he had at a former salon. Said woman (who had *very* course hair) had gotten her hair cut and upon getting home, her nipple felt sore. She wasn't getting her period or anything and thought it odd. More time passes. Said nipple becomes even more sore. And swollen. And purple. The woman is in pain. Finally she relents and goes to the doctor who is all "WTF?" At this point good ol' nipple is clearly infected and they have to operated in order to drain the infection. The nip goes under. And what do they find upon slicing poor nipple open? A hair. While she was getting her hair cut, a stray, vigilante hair with the stealth of a ninja and the sharpness of a sword had PIERCED the nipple and set up camp within its confines. Another reason to use conditioner.*

Weird story #2: Another (male) client at the same salon had a similar problem. Except the ninja hair had pierced one of his testicles. Good times.*

Weird story #3: A friend's lease was up so the guy she was dating at the time suggested that she call his sister who had a spare room. Friend lived there for a month. It was one night during this time that she was struck with a *bad* case of indigestion. Usually a sound sleeper, she woke in the middle of the night (3am) and had to run to the toilet. Which she went on to totally and completely clog with the thoroughly digested remnants of that night's dinner. And perhaps also lunch. But there was no plunger in sight. And the water was rising. So, she did what any sane person would do. Instead of embarrassing herself to bits by waking up her boyfriend's sister and telling her that she had clogged her toilet and was in desperate need of a plunger and perhaps even a late night plumber, she put on her clothes, got in her car and drove to her parents' house (10 minutes away). Her parents, however, had just moved in and so she didn't have a key. So she snuck in through the dog's door hoping upon hope that her parents didn't wake from the noise and come downstairs to discover their only daughter sneaking into their home at 3 in the morning through the doggy door. Anyways, she gets inside. She grabs the plunger, walks out the door meant for humans, drives back to the sister's place, where she unclogs the toilet and cleans up the mess, and then goes back to bed. The sister all the unwiser and the friend left with a shameful story with which to regale guests at future parties.



* I, of course, believed neither of these stories. But there was a hairdresser at the holiday party on Saturday night who corroborated them.