blog crack

This morning the writing partner and I somehow got on to the topic of ouija boards.

Honestly, I'm astounded at how this "game" even made it out of the Parkers Brothers' (makers of fine family friendly games like Scrabble, Monopoly and Boggle) factory. Who was the stoner exec who came up with that concept? "Hey! Let's create a game that looks like a harmless teaching device for three-year olds but which 10 to 13-year old girls can use to talk directly with Satan!"

It surprises me that kids (including myself) that age were still gullible (read: stupid) enough to even think that the thing actually worked. I mean, it was made out of cardboard and was bought at, like, Sears. And what kind of parent would willingly buy their children a cheap-ass occult item?

For those of you who don't know how it works, the Ouija Board is supposed to be a tool with which one could communicate with the dead. It's like Seance Lite. One or more people sit around the board and each puts either both or one of their hands on the "communicating device" and then they you'all wait for the damn thing to move (guided by spirits of course) and start spelling things out for you and giving you "messages" from beyond, things like "Sandy smells and everyone hates her." Which, of course, sends Sandy spiraling out of the room in tears (it was the ultimate slumber party tool for vengeful, hateful bitches.) You could also ask it questions and it would magically answer. Things like "Does Tommy Myers really like me?" or "Will I get my period soon?". More often than not, the answer was "no".

The most important thing about the Ouija board was that it was a tool that let you know which one of your "friends" was a total and complete liar. There was always one person that moved the device and yet no one would ever cop to it. As the writing partner quipped, "If you have four honest people, the Ouija Board ain't working."

Raise your hand if you've ever played around with one of those things.